I struggled over the weekend with strong feelings of anxiety and nervousness due in large part to the class I had to teach last night. It was my first class subbing in a new and unfamiliar studio for a teacher whose class I have not yet taken. I am used to the normal case of butterflies before teaching a class by now, but it was unusual to have them unsettling me all weekend long up until my Tuesday class. I could not figure out why they arrived so early and why there were so many of them fluttering around in my belly. The worst part about it is that it was so unexpected, so I found myself attaching to my negative thoughts and feelings, and it really brought me down for most of the weekend.
        To go from soaring so high like I was after my Thursday class, finding connection for the first time, to the depths I felt Sunday was shocking. Then finally on Monday evening a simple realization came to me. I spent my class Thursday night talking about finding balance, about the importance of not attaching too strongly to your emotions or thoughts because they will knock you off balance. So what did I do immediately after that class? I drove home overjoyed, refusing to contain my excitement as I danced to my music and banged on my steering wheel, stopping occasionally to practically convulse with the excited energy as I let it overwhelm me.
        The classic mistake I made was to forget that not attaching too strongly to feelings and emotions applies to the positive ones as well. Does that mean that you cannot be happy or enjoy a wonderfully life-affirming moment? Of course not, we are here to be happy and enjoy life always. However, getting too caught up in such feelings, to let them overwhelm you so much that you lose control is not a good thing. You may just get knocked off balance and find yourself quickly and suddenly falling in the opposite direction, as I did this weekend.
        The best thing about this experience is that like all states of emotion, it was only temporary, with each day bringing the chance for a fresh start. I have started a habit of shaving my head bald whenever I get my haircut. I do this for a very specific and symbolic reason. I never know how long I will let my hair grow or when I will cut it next. Any time I have feelings of sadness, or stress, or any other negative feelings that I am beginning to attach to, I go get my head shaved. It is to remind myself that I can always start fresh, wipe the slate clean, and go back to doing and thinking the things that bring me peace and happiness at a moment’s notice, just like the haircut.
         I shaved my head yesterday morning, found my energy and passion once again, and had a beautiful class in the afternoon. I am grateful for the butterflies, because they keep me motivated and they teach me when I need to learn. The day I stop having a few butterflies floating around before a class is the day I will have to question my motivation. Until that day, I’ll continue doing what I always do to clear them out before a class: dance, dance, dance!